Hot People "Dear John" Their Vices

Dear Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream,

I don't know how to put this gently; it's over. We have to stop this on-again-off-again thing we have.

You have to stop "accidentally" meeting me in the freezer aisle while I'm looking for frozen blueberries. You have to stop pretending you need a ride to the check-out aisle in my basket. You REALLY have to stop showing up in my life during moments of weakness and depositing your life in my freezer, taking up door space and using up all the cold air.

Being with you is bad for me. You encourage me to lie on the couch all evening and watch Top Model reruns. You suck me into your lazy game.

Tell your friends Fuzzy Peaches and Chocolate Mint Rosettes to leave me alone too. I mean, at least they have the decency to be gone the next day, but they're toxic too and all they leave me with is empty cardboard boxes and torn up cellophane bags.

I know we'll both have to be strong these next few months. This hurts me too. I'll miss your creaminess, your bitter chocolate chips, and the slight saltiness of your doughy bits. But it's not meant to be. This has to be goodbye.

Miss T