Ok...one did. But ONLY one.
When did I get so fat? I can actually grab WHOLE HANDFULS of flesh from my stomach! It's RIDICULOUS!!!
How did I not notice this happening?
One might ask how I could possibly let this happen. Well...I can certainly think of a few culprits (although there are fewer and fewer of them every time I go back to the box...hmm...).
At any rate, I've had a solution to this for some time, my bicyclette. In fact, I had resolved to ride my bike more often from the beginning of this hotness journey, but it was too cold, or my bag was too heavy that day, or the roads were covered (I shit you not) in SHEETS of ice. There's always SOMETHING.
Case in point: I'm injured right now. Seriously. Here's how it happened: I was coming out the library to catch the bus home (it was sunny that day...so I'm not sure what my excuse was for not riding my bike...), only the bus had already arrived when I got out the doors. This usually means (and it did that day) a one hundred metre dash in whatever unsuitable shoes I am wearing. So I ran. But when I was almost to the bus stop, the bus started driving away. "Fine," I thought. I just stopped running and decided to wait for the next one. Except then I noticed that the bus was slowing down. The bus driver was looking at me. The unthinkable had happened! A bus driver was being courteous to a passenger who had been a few seconds late for the bus (I've seen some drivers actually shake their fists behind them as they drive off into the sunset while some person who is clearly late for a job interview or the birth of their firstborn child kicks at the dust left in the bus' wake). So, not wanting to spit in the eye of unprecedented generosity on the bus driver's part, and in order not to delay the bus any further, I started running.
So, here's some important information. It's just turning into spring in Eastern Canada. This means that EVERYTHING is wet right now. This also means that the chances that I was standing in a flat of mud when the bus slowed down were very good. As it happened, luck was not with me.
So, I started running...or rather I started doing that thing the Road Runner does when it's winding up to speed away from Wile E. Coyote because I couldn't get any traction in the mud. Unfortunately, instead of speeding ahead in a blur onto the bus, I did a faceplant into the mud. The immediate result was that I was covered in mud and had to spend the rest of my day until I got home several hours later covered in a thin layer of muck. The end result is that I REALLY hurt my ankle and knee - injuries made inexplicably worse by a much less exciting bathtub cleaning incident a few days later. Seriously. I'm limping.
All this being said, hot people definitely can't grab whole handfuls of flesh from their stomachs (perhaps from other parts of their persons, but not stomachs), and the longer I stay off my bike, the more handfuls there will be. I cannot let my unending ability to come up with excuses (real or imagined) not to exercise to get in the way of my hotness. Therefore, in the spirit of bullheaded ambition, I'm going to ride my bike on Monday, come hell or high water!
But perhaps not if it's raining or something.
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