Everybody's Hot Sometimes

I've struggled since the beginning with what the litmus test was going to be. Was I hot when boys liked me? Was I hot when someone told me I was? How was I ever to know when I finally got there?

Being honest, I've found myself less and less interested in reaching that pinnacle of inferno. Coming here to write about my quest for hotness has been more like a chore lately than the overflowing outpouring it was when I first began my journey. I was busting to get something out of me, and get that intangible "hot mojo" in.

So am I hot yet? Today? I don't think so. No, I don't really feel particularly hot today. Or lately. Somehow in the last little while I got away from myself. Doesn't my boyfriend tell me I'm hot? Well, yes. But that's his job. So do my friends. They're not really the point, though. At least, not completely.

Then have I failed? Well, no. I don't think so. Not completely. And not all the time. Because even though I know that I'm not super hot right now, I know that I have been hot at times over the past two and a half years. I've made my body hot. I've made my face hot. I've made my clothes hot. I've made my smile hot. I've made my dancing hot. I've made my words hot. I've made my thoughts hot. I've felt hot. Other people have felt my hotness.

And more importantly, I know I can do it again.

I've been feeling kind of down lately. It's been bothering me because, first of all, feeling down feels shitty. I think we can all agree on that one. But it's also bothering me because I know it bothers everyone around me. Yesterday, pretty much right when I needed it, a Facebook friend that I rarely talk to had posted a status update with an excerpt from an Audrey Hepburn quote.

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

And I think this is the key that I've kind of been subconsciously avoiding the whole time and right when I needed it I was batted over the head with it. More than one person has told me over the last two and a half years that I should just do what made me happy, because that's what hot people do.

So, thanks to those people. You had it right all the time. And thanks to everyone who has advised, commented, commiserated. And to all 2000-odd of you who have quietly peeked in on this hot project. It has been unbelievably motivating to know that some, or all, of my journey has spoken to you in some way...if only because it was a little bit tragedorable to see what someone else was going through. But I think I've got this now. :)